A breath, a tear, and a dream

Do you know that special type of inhaling breath? The one you inhale it very deep and keep it for as long as you can while you are thinking? No no, not the one you take while exercising yoga or when you swim.  The one you inhale the biggest wish you have with it? The type of breath you don’t want to release and prison inside your chest? The one that is filled with hopes and big wishes. I take that breath every day and when I release it I smile with a special tear.

What about that type of tear you want to release but you can’t and some times you don’t want to release. That special type of tear, not the sad tear or the one you have when you are at the peak of your happy moments.  The kind of tear you keep and save and promise you won’t spill until it’s the right time to do so. The tear which gives your brain a thunderbolt with a pain you endure just to keep it. The hardest type of tear you keep and you feel your throat will explode if you don’t release it. The kind when you think your heart will come out of your chest if you don’t spill it, yet you keep it. Yes, you keep it. You keep it, for that special dream, the one you are waiting for it to come true.

What about that special dream you have. Your biggest dream, do you have one? That dream is very different and precious. It’s not finding the best job, nor finding the love of your life. It’s neither finishing studying nor having a fancy life or go on a trip to a place you always wanted, but it’s much much bigger. It’s a dream that might make you the most selfish one for wanting it more than anything else and more than anyone on this planet. It’s a dream you would give up everything for it. A dream you are ready to sacrifice your life for it just to make it come true. I wonder if you have such a dream, because I have one. I don’t dream it only at night, but during my days, my sleep and when I am awake.

My most loyal reader, that breath I inhale only when I think of my first love, my beloved one, and my pride. I have promised myself to not shed that tear until I hear my love’s name called out and recognized by everyone. When everyone, every person on this planet know who is my love. I will keep shedding those tears until my biggest dream comes true. Until I shout out “Look, world, people, and nations, my love, my first love is independent” Kurdistan is independent.

Yes, my biggest and most precious dream is to see my beautiful Kurdistan independent. only then I can die in peace.

Yes, I am keeping my tears everyday “I am not exaggerating”. I am keeping them, giving me all that pain in my brain and my throat. I am saving them for the day I see my land independent then I shed them with pride.

Yes, I will keep inhaling that special type of breath every day and imagine myself one day crying and shouting “I am from the independent Kurdistan”.

My love, I am saving my tears until you come true.

Come true soon, because my I don’t know until when my heart will take it.

Painting done by:Asuda rwandizi 

It's ok if I fail !

My dearest blog followers, it's another peace of writing I am sharing with you. Lately,  i have been thinking alot specially after i graduated. Finding a good job and study MA degree became another goal to achive. "I am on the right track and I am achiving alot in short time "this is what I am telling myself, yet that doubty feeling comes and tries to concur my soul and make me wonder if I am doing the right thing.  Am I on the right path ? What if this right path is not right after all and I am being misdirected by my thoughts,emotion and imaginations?
What If I regret the decisions I am making later ? What if I fail and I fall into a halo ?many what ifs come to my mind.
Here I sit and i look at the sky listening to some noisy crockroaches chatting everywhere among the trees with their noisy  sounds in the farm while i still wonder am I on the right path ?while, hiding from everything and everyone and trying to understand if the decisions we make are right I realise  there is no right decision until you take the risk. One can never know how tomorrow will be and what will be waiting for us at the end of the tunel unless we try. I am realising even if I fail I shouldn't regret it. At least then i won't blame anyone for it and she'd tears of regret and sorrow.

I am realizing, one should always be the master of their own life. Making decisions, taking risks and do what you believe its right and step toward success. One should not fear failing but should fear not standing again.
I will give you a small advice:
A failure comes because of your decision is better than a failure you were forced to go through it.
Therefore, take the risk, make up your mind and set your priorities to achive you goal and if by chance you didn't achive the success you expect it, then try again because it's OK if you fail.

Love Inboxes

My lovely blog reader and follower. It was exactly 8:00 in the morning when i suddenly decided to write this blog and share it with you now. Something that puts a wide smile on my face and it makes me excited as well as more grateful.
Didn't they say love takes you up to the clouds and makes you happy? I tell you it does. I am getting love inboxes on my Facebook account. Inboxes that make me jump out of my seat and push me to shout out loud and say YESSSSS. Inboxes that give me butterflies. Inboxes that make me drop some tears out of happiness and tell myself you are such a lucky girl huda to live and witness this. I tell myself "You are lucky to receive all these love messages".
My dear reader,  do you know when I get those inboxes I hold my phone tight close to my chest and I say Alhamdulilah "Thanks God" for what am receiving. I know, I Know... you desperately want to know who is the lucky one who made me this happy and even pushed me to write this and share it with the public. The one who is inboxing me with love messages is not a secret admire or a crush. Neither a boyfriend or a lover. No No, it's someone "How can I say it !!!! That person owns a huge heart and simply decided to share all the goodness and love with this world through an inbox.

picture from Google

I shall tell my secret now, I actually  receive my love inboxes from mostly anonymous people and other times from people whom I know.  I am sure you are wondering what do they send me to make me this happy. They send love,care and they share. They share some of what they have with people who need it through me or through someone like me. Those love inboxes are generally donations from amazing people who want to help those in need.  They share Money, clothes, things they don't use anymore to help those who need them. When I ask for help,for some donations and I post it on Facebook. My post gets the fewest likes ever and zero comments mostly.  While I see heart notification on my inbox bottom.  Sometimes I don't know them, they contact me, send me their information and simply donate with what they can.  They trust the good in me tho most of them don't know me yet they simply decide to send me a love inbox to share it with those who need more love.
What do you think now ?? Isn't my love inbox story worth sharing ?  I am lucky to get those love inboxes right!!
Thank you for the love you are sending me, I am receiving it with appropriation and sharing it with those who need it the most.
Have a good day

Don't Compalin and Enjoy Life

 

Dearest blog reader, I know it's been ages since I wrote something and upload it here. Let me share a small secret, I never stopped writing but I stopped sharing. I shall share more this summer. An exciting news to share is "I finally graduated" no more deadlines and homework (well at least for a while). So, a new journey is about to start. When students graduate they are full of hopes to find a scholarship or an outstanding job they have always dreamed of. Well that is very normal,yet if they couldn't find that shouldn't be the end of the world and one should not stop trying until mission is accomplished.  We complain about every single problem we face and we have the habit of blaming others. Few days ago I thought with myself why do not we try to appreciate the little things we have.
Yala come with me and let's imagine some stuff.

If we have not found a good job yet, we shall enjoy this free time. No responsibilities,not even studying. Why not reading, writing, painting, going out with friends, practicing a hobby that you pushed aside because of studying,spending more time with your family, do some volunteering or something you have always wanted to do but never had enough time for it because of classes. Belive me later you will wish for some free time that you cannot get because of working.
Something else that we faced awhile ago is shortage in petrol. All what we did was directly complaining and blaming others. So i say why do not we use cars less than usual and try to walk a bit more. (Don't tell me it's hot and the weather is not helping,I won't buy that) if you want to do it then you will no matter what. I do that, for places with long distances I drive and I walk most of the time when there is no need for car. What about electricity?   I remember last month we faced some problems with electricity. I seriously loved the fact there was no electricity  (call me crazy,mad or sick, it's ok) I actually enjoyed my nights without electricity.  I started to notice the stars and the moon again. In the crowded cities one forgets that stars and moon still exist.These are very little examples that I personally try to find some joy in them. I turn complaining about these little things to appropriation.  Some might say , she is too dreamy or she enjoys imagining. You are right I  actually do, but through this I learned how to appreciate the little things and instead of complaining I look for the nice things in them.
Let's try to find the little joy in the things we usually complain about and you will see that life is not that bad after all.

A Cold but Warm December

My beautiful and amazing blog readers, i know it’s been more than 6 months and i did not write you something. I am being a bit selfish for not sharing what i always write; therefore I don't dare to ask for forgiveness. I still wanted to share this piece of writing with you. 
While i was sitting with my family members in front of the heater having some oranges, i read a little piece of information that reminded me of a little girl's fear in the past few years.  
That little information said “if humans want to success and they are afraid of failure they should concentrate more on success and direct their thoughts toward how to maximize the chances of success rather than focusing on their fear of falling". 
This little information reminded me of a girl that used to hate December and cold weather. There was a reason for that negative feeling she had for this month. Most of the people love it. It’s the season of Christmas and exchanging beautiful gifts. It’s the season of love, family gathering, celebrations and more love. It was different with her, for reason or no reason she used to cry a lot in December. She tended to be sad and a bit down.  I wondered why this little girl always hated December !!!, and through that peace of information I found out the reason. It was simply because she was concentrating more on her fear rather than focusing on the enormous joys of this beautiful month. 
That little girl feared loneliness because she had a fearful thought that cold weather will make her loved people cold and this will make her heart cold in return. luckily she changed, she is no more afraid now, because she found out that her loved ones will not be cold with the cold weather but with love they will keep each other warm. Her heart won’t turn cold not even for a second. Actually it won’t be warm as well but on fire and she will warm others with her beautiful feelings. 
She is now concentrating more on these beautiful ideas and feelings rather than her fear of loneliness. This December is different and the coming Decembers will be even more different. Now it’s not her choice to feel that way, because she is surrounded by amazing, brilliant and special lovely people who will force her gently to be happier and they won’t leave her a room to fear loneliness. 
If you fear something like that little girl had, STOP focusing on it and look at the beautiful things and maximize your chance of surviving in this life.
These are some thoughts of this Cold but warm December i had this year.

They do not exist, we creat them

My dearest blog reader, I know it is been a very long time since I last time wrote something and shared it with you.  Life is too busy and it took me away from many things. It took me away from reading, writing and imagining. On the other hand lots of beautiful things happened to me that I was overwhelmed with. Lots of beautiful people entered my life that I am grateful for. Lots of pages were were filled with memories in my beautiful diary and lots of lessons were learnt.This time I am sharing something that recently happened to me. Something that I found a conclusion for.
Cutest reader :)  I have always believed that there is good soul and bad soul. It's a fact that they both exists, but I have never bothered myself wondering how the bad soul came to life. I have never thought how the bad soul is created and who creates it  !!!
But recently I faced something at work that showed me how bad soul is created and how it becomes part of us. Sometimes it becomes us. Sometimes when you are well known for being kind and never questioning what the elders say, and even if you do you do not discuss it with them so that They do not feel they are disrespected, it is hard to show the unkind, devil side in you and it is hard for them to believe that you have that side in you. 

I think this is changing as one starts working in different places and for different people with different mindsets. Gradually you figure out that each time you work for a new place and you leave, unconsciously you leave a little bit of your kindness and shyness. You leave some of your innocent spirit. You leave your naivety. You will find out that some places take these things from you and they are giving you some of the devil spirit instead. True, I agree in a realist world of working one should not be naive and one should not be very innocent but I can not agree that we need to be bad in order to success. I do not agree "with bad souls the world can be a better place". Recently I was surrounded by negative energy and negative people whom were dragging me to the wrong negative path.
They were  dragging me to path of complaining about everything and hating the world ,But luckily I was wise enough to stop myself being affected by them. I was a little bit wise to wake up from that nightmare and start dreaming and seeing the world clearly with my awesome and beautiful eyes. (if you know me well, you know its normal to complement myself :)
Dearest reader, do you know that we make bad people ? We make devils ? Can you believe that ? Can you believe that with one small word or one small action you can make monster ?  We make devils from very innocent creatures, from beautiful souls who do not know what is bad spirit but we fool them and we make them bad.i was lucky to not change from a good person to into a devil with negative spirit. Luckily I was lucky enough to have more beautiful people in my life rather than dark and negative people around me.
Yes I came to a conclusion that humans themselves make devils. Devils themselves do not exist. we make devils when we talk wrong, when we act wrong. when we believe wrong.
therefore let us be careful with the words that comes out of our mouths. let us be careful with our actions, behaviors and with our believes, because those little things can make devils out of innocent humans.   

That spirit 

         No matter how mature we get,how old we get,we still have that spirit in us. That spirit which keeps us alive,free and keeps us very happy. Deep inside ,right there somewhere in our souls we keep it safe,we do not want to lose it but protect it. Sometimes we forget about it as time passes by and we get busy with the busy ,crowded life but it never means we lost it. It is that beautiful childish spirit and it is always there deep in our souls. That childish spirit is the most pure and innocent thing in us.without us feeling, it makes us do things we never thought we can do when we will get older.  

Sometimes life takes us far away with its problems and we forget that one day we were children and our biggest concern  was losing a toy or having a candy. All what we were busy with was having fun, running, screaming,and sometimes crying. As we grow older we think it is not our right to have fun, to be happy or even to cry. We think now we are too mature for these things and we always need to be serious because life does not accept weak people and we think being mature is equal to being strong. We think by doing this people will take us seriously and will see us as perfect mature individuals. We think it is immature to laugh, to smile, to cry, even to scream out loud to express our feelings because this might show the kind side in us and we do not want to show it or bring it out but we show the tough,strong side in us. We think if we are tough in our actions then we are strong.

With these unjustified thoughts we turn from human beings with flesh and blood,with feelings and souls to robots. We accept to be driven by life wherever it takes us. We give up on our right to lead our lives and we accept to be led by it.

Then as we get older and older,we miss that little baby spirit in us.  We miss being 8 years old and we miss being careless about lots of things in this life. 

We will wish if we did not waste time with those thoughts, we will wish if we lived every single minute of our life with happiness when we had the chance and the time to do so. We will wish to go back with time and make up on what we thought it was a waste of time, make up for things we thought if we do them then we are weak and immature. We will wish so many things.

Dear whoever is reading this, we all have that hidden child in us no matter how old or mature we get. So let's  Keep it,and protect it. Do not neglect it, because that spirit adds a tasty flavor to your life.  Before getting into the wishing position about things you could do, get up and do them and never regret something made you happy one day.

Life is beautiful no matter how hard it gets. It's beautiful as long as you are in it. It's beautiful as long as your beautiful soul is there.  So give a smile to the world and bring out that lovely child in you from time to time and do not leave it  or neglected deep deep in you,because if you do, believe me you will regret it and one day it might go and it will never come back.