Lessons I Learnt Behind the Bars

The night before the training, I couldn't sleep. I was waking up every 30 or 45 minutes thinking of tomorrow. I was excited for this new and unique experience yet I was very worried as well. I was wondering if I am doing the right thing, asking myself is it safe to go to a prison full of criminals. I was telling myself “Huda, what if one of them attacked you. Why would you put yourself in such a position?” After all it’s a risk. What if they did not like me and instead hated me. After all they are in prison and an outsider for them is someone who will show off and only give them advices which they hate. In the morning woke up and I prepared myself and I wore no make-up and wore the longest shirt I have to cover all my body, hair up and revised some of my notes.  I have to be honest, I was afraid as well but never told my parents or my loved ones. Instead I was telling them Fshya, everything will be fine and nothing serious will happen.Went in, heart beats fastened. As they were coming into the hall one by one I was avoiding looking into their eyes. I was a bit worried. Later after 30 minutes it was the moment I had to open my mouth with a smile and start talking. At the beginning it was difficult for them to interact with me and the other trainer and this is very normal as we face this in almost all the trainings. Later, they started to be more open. For my surprise only two hours after we started and during the break, two of the youth came to me and telling me that they will be out very soon and they want to do trainings for other youth outside. I was not surprised but shocked, Couldn't be happier in my life than I was in that moment .

"Preparation for the HIV session"

 Most of them learned a lesson from the reformatory prison, and some of them grew there. Some were there since 11 years old; I asked myself what an 11 years old boy knows about crimes, bad things and consequences? I am very sure only if they were directed right they would have been very normal kids. During lunch me and my co-trainer friend decided to eat with the prisoner (crazy and risky) I know that very well. There, we wanted to know their stories and how they end up here. Each had their own story, through that I found out that they are never bad people. At all. But their circumstances were bad. Most of the troubles they went through and most of the crimes they were convicted to were a result of their families. Some were spoiled more than necessary and others were neglected. Each one them has a very pure soul and I would never say they are criminals any more because they are good people but their actions were bad due to the circumstances and situations they went through. I spent four days with a group of boys who taught me a lot. Indirectly they taught me I could be in there place if I want lucky . Anyone of us could be in their place but we are luckier in terms of our families and the people we are surrounded by. Not all of them is there because they did something wrong, actually some are there because they refused wrong things. One of the stories that broke my heart was (A.B.L) story. He was rarely smiling. Not looking into my eyes as I was explaining the topics. He was avoiding group work. He was simply broken. Therefore, I wanted to know more about him, like others was a normal boy and working to help his family. Once his boss at work wanted to sexually abuse him, and because he didn't want to be abused, he defended himself and unfortunately killed his boss at age 13). I can't put myself in his shoe and know how exactly he feels. I know what he is going through is the hardest thing one can ever go through. 

After this experience I am looking at life even more differently and I am more grateful for what I have. If those innocent youth had the same privileges I enjoyed they wouldn't be there but here outside enjoying life. I am leaving the reformatory but my heart stays there with them. They are not criminals; I won’t accept anyone to say that in front of me. They are actually the victims of their families and the way they were raised. 

Peer Education training was always and will always be a very good way to approach the youth's thoughts and feelings. I am proud, very happy for what I and my co-trainer Zhila xan did to help those good souls behind the bars. I shouldn't forget the the one who was working on the agenda  days and nights far from Kurdistan just to make the training very well designed and productive as much as possible"Sazan". I know we succeeded through their feedbacks. one wrote "I wish this training last for 365 days". This short sentence says it all and I made to forget my sleepless nights and the tiring days. 

An evaluation paper from one of the youth says " I wish this training was for 365 days" and "I like everyone to be like you"

it was defiantly worth it, an experience I wont regret and will do my best to repeat it. They never attacked, disrespected me, or even give me a bad look. They weren't monsters to eat me. They were normal teenagers and they were much much better than I have ever expected.  All what they need is a second chance in life and I believe it not hard to give them that chance. I shall Thank them for all the lessons they taught me. who knows maybe one of them one days will read this blog.  

"One of the activities to teach them cooperation ,working together and helping each other"